A NEW AWARENESS
(The Sexual Harassment Song)
by Glenn Grant
First performed at the McMurdo Coffee House in winter 2001.
Chords:
Verses: C F (C G) C F (C G C)
Chorus: A D G C (repeats)
Now I've been awareness trained so much
and you're my friend but we can't touch
so I'll stay home and play with my... guitar
Three billion years of biology
has been suppressed permanently
with a lecture -- and a video -- from HR.
Chorus:
I've got a new awareness of you
and a new awareness of me
and a new awareness of how things should be
I've also gotten paranoid
and I don't understand it
but I am aware it sure is buggin' me.
If I told a joke and you're offended
my career would soon be ended
(even if you thought the joke was funny),
so I shut my mouth and bite my tongue
'cause if I don't then I'll be hung
-- and God help me if I ever call you Honey.
There was a time I'd give you a hug
but now they'd say that you'd been mugged
and I'd be guilty just because I'm male,
-- but I'm a sensitive new-age kind of guy
politically correct and somewhat shy
so you won't be getting love notes in your email.
[Chorus]
So here's an offer you can't refuse
with lawsuits now we can't lose
you point to me and say you've been harassed,
both our lawyers will pass the buck
we'll say the company training sucked
and together we'll go out and sue their ass.
I'm sure it'll be the usual sort
we'll settle with them out of court
for an undisclosed amount and off we go!
We'll split the cash then spend the night
(together of course) then catch a flight
to harass each other down in Mexico.